Lone Raindrops


Last Monday I moved house again. I have lost count of how many times I’ve moved; of how many times I’ve flicked through old pages holding encounters, woes, stories only I know. It has been 13 days since I wrote in my journal. The turquoise book seemed buried too deep and it felt as though I had too much to write yet I was emptied of writing. Somehow I could not bare the task of writing my thoughts, emotions and events, it all appeared far too heavy and I needed rest from constructing sentences out of pain that produced joy.

Sometimes we need to empty ourselves. We need to let ourselves breathe; let ourselves be still; and let ourselves ponder.

Circumstances arise when we need them and God knows what we need and when we need it most. Our challenges are to bring us closer to accomplishing great things. They provide us with moments to acknowledge our blessings and they are opportunities to be stronger, braver, and more resilient time and time again. Through each challenge we are prepared for the next, we gain more compassion or patience or self-belief. We build upon our foundations with each difficult experience, layering comprehension of this earth life.

‘Imagine for a moment that you are a drop of water. As it happens, you are a very unique little drop – beautifully shaped, with only a cute little distortion in the way you reflect the light. People praise your beauty, and in time you come to believe that you are special.

But as time goes on, you become lonely. You long for the companionship of an other – another drop of water who will love you as you love it and help you feel less alone. You find that other, or you don’t; you fall in love, or you don’t.

And then one day it starts to rain. Seven billion drops of rain fall in a single afternoon and you are no longer alone. Briefly, you touch mitochondria with a single raindrop and before you know it, two have become one. You are still alone, but you are larger than before. With each drop of water you merge with, your entire being expands, until all seven billion drops become one ocean.

And you are still alone. And all is well.’

{Michael Neill, The Space Within -Finding Your Way Back Home}


Believe in Yourself

What you must realise, is that the illness is not in control of you. These feelings that take over your mind are not permanent and constant, they are malleable and separate. Fears take control and govern our movements, thoughts, and words so that we are incapable of living our lives as the human being that we are. We forget who we are, that we ever were a person, with dreams, passions, joys, loves, dis-likes and emotions, because all things are directed by a deep incomprehensible misery that seems to have no way out.

We dwell on our past, endure flash-backs to moments that caused us pain and re-live prominent experiences of our childhoods over and over again. Dissecting each detail, questioning reactions and quizzing reason for why it was the way it was, but there is no answer and at the same time there are endless answers that travel back to the beginning of humanity, to our DNA and glitches in the human race. All that we do is learned from an external source from a mother, a father, a teacher, a man in the street, a book or a television show that will influence our decisions and our ideas and the way we think of ourselves.

We lose belief in ourselves because we are surrounded by non-believers, emotional abusers and people who are unwilling to change. Be open to change, welcome change, and believe in change. Believe that you can change and you will change. Your brain is an organ, it needs to be exercised and trained with positivity, gratefulness for simplicity, patience, well-being, creativity and self-belief. Be proud of who you are, respect yourself and don’t be afraid to speak your thoughts and talk about how you feel.