I was asked what helps me through difficult times. In that moment my mind was stumped as I attempted to search for the answer. Days later the quiet answer arrived.
Words get me through difficult times. Reading words, writing words and listening to words.
Reading words of another who I can relate to, reading words of passion and pain, reading words that incur warmth in my heart. Writing words that express my emotions, writing with the intention of producing positive thoughts, writing to give meaning to my day. Listening to words in melodious lyrics, listening to words that strengthen my soul, listening to words when I am capable of nothing else.
In words reside the power to change a person, to stir notions of hope, to ignite a flicker of light and inspire an onwards journey. If you write, never stop! If you think about writing, then write!
Write with your whole heart and never look back.
Just like after a physical trauma you might have to learn to walk again, with any kind of emotional trauma or mental illness you have to build yourself up again. I have worked for years to achieve emotional stability, confidence, a positive outlook on life, and inner happiness.
Money will come and go, material desires will come and go. But nothing is worth more than inner happiness. The struggles of unemployment, debt, and homelessness are no less challenging than other difficulties this life throws at us. I have been pushing forward, trying to break out of this viscous cycle for the past year. Moving in and out of houses, sleeping in beds that will never be mine, showering in bathrooms where my dreams were held hostage, and tip-toeing through corridors that didn’t want me on their carpets. With numbers in a bank account sinking and sinking, thinking and thinking about how I’ll eat, about worst case scenario of living in a tent. Mostly wondering, how I got there in the first place. Because it had always been like this in someway or another. Moving from house to house on bad terms, drowning in negative work environments where I felt separate from everyone else, and prioritising money for alcohol and cigarettes. I have changed a lot, in my values and ethics. Yet I am still in this struggling scenario of borrowing money for rent and being unable to emotionally cope with aggressive or draining work environments. I am more able to recognise these environments and although this is something that has strengthened, it means I am less willing to compromise and it means that if my inner happiness is threatened I will leave. I try to fight through and bring in the light but I have never been strong enough amongst all of the darkness so it creeps into my pores strangling streams of purity flowing through my veins. Then I wonder again, if ever I will fit in somewhere to make money and sustain this life.
I want one thing. Only freedom to be my authentic self. Un-tainted, pure, natural, loving and happy.
As this scenario happens again and again I am strengthened. This time I cannot deny that everything will be alright as I wipe away the tears, shake off my doubts and keep going, keep hoping and keep praying to know the right thing to do.
Imagination is the key to unlocking life’s full potential. In your mind is the ability to create endless possibilities and to choose a pathway that may take you higher or lower. You can direct yourself into elevated happiness simply through choice. Each micro choice you make leads you closer to the divine power or leads you astray to confusion, anger, resentment, misery and loneliness. In taking control over every choice you take control of your own life. Change its course. Alter the direction. Inherit a strong desire to improve your life by doing what is good for you. The soul nourishing things that will make your heart sing in the long term. Activities and actions providing us with immediate short term pleasure are not in coordination with activities and actions that implement deep inner peace, gratitude and further blessings. It begins only with recognising distinctive thought patterns. Thoughts attempting to weaken your strength implying that the world around you is a terrible place, that you must follow the crowd, that you must analyse with your mind, that there are doubts and fears preventing imagination from pushing through into the sphere of positivity. Cast these ideas aside; they are false. Welcome your inner light to glow with confident modesty and let it build slowly over time eliminating shrouding darkness.
Faith is going on a journey not knowing where you’re going but with firm knowledge that you are going somewhere. It is this faith that allows you to keep moving; faith that by pushing forward you will know more, you will do better, and there will be a positive outcome. Faith comes when you are ready, slowly building from the beginning like foundations of a grand castle. Starting in the cool dampness of the earth’s mud yet crumbling under harsh blowing winds. It starts again, it builds again. Again and again each time with determination yet uncertainty that perhaps it will collapse by influences of harsh conditions. But as it reaches higher and higher you see that completion is attainable, you see that security, stability, and dreams will be possible. Each time the bricks of the castle fall into ruin you gain more strength and more faith that burns in the core of your spirit. Until finally you reach completion, journeying from the ground to the turrets up winding staircases to stand with your head high in the clouds and the stars shining upon your face.
What you must realise, is that the illness is not in control of you. These feelings that take over your mind are not permanent and constant, they are malleable and separate. Fears take control and govern our movements, thoughts, and words so that we are incapable of living our lives as the human being that we are. We forget who we are, that we ever were a person, with dreams, passions, joys, loves, dis-likes and emotions, because all things are directed by a deep incomprehensible misery that seems to have no way out.
We dwell on our past, endure flash-backs to moments that caused us pain and re-live prominent experiences of our childhoods over and over again. Dissecting each detail, questioning reactions and quizzing reason for why it was the way it was, but there is no answer and at the same time there are endless answers that travel back to the beginning of humanity, to our DNA and glitches in the human race. All that we do is learned from an external source from a mother, a father, a teacher, a man in the street, a book or a television show that will influence our decisions and our ideas and the way we think of ourselves.
We lose belief in ourselves because we are surrounded by non-believers, emotional abusers and people who are unwilling to change. Be open to change, welcome change, and believe in change. Believe that you can change and you will change. Your brain is an organ, it needs to be exercised and trained with positivity, gratefulness for simplicity, patience, well-being, creativity and self-belief. Be proud of who you are, respect yourself and don’t be afraid to speak your thoughts and talk about how you feel.