Possibility of Bipolar Disorder

Returning to England after my short period of travel six months ago I was faced with re-adjusting to British culture and a society I had long forgotten. At the same time I have been in and out of recognizing, managing and also denying peculiarities in my mental health. It has come to light that a possible diagnosis for me is Bipolar Disorder which results in feeling too low and anxious to visit the doctor or ecstatically positive creating a brief misconception that I am perfectly happy and am handling it myself as I always have. I know that at some point I will crash again but I also know that a trip to the psychiatrist will be a lifetime of prescribed medication and I do not wish for my mind to be subdued by drugs. It has taken a long time for me to cleanse my mind and body of all intoxications- cigarettes, alcohol, caffeine, and meat to reach clarity and purity so the idea of adding mood stabilizers appears to be an unnecessary infliction. The idea of taking a tablet that changes your personality is scary, as if I would lose a part of myself; yet is it a part I would benefit in losing? For the first time in my life I have a stable job I enjoy that I put a lot of time and energy into achieving, I am eating a healthy diet with a couple of vitamin supplements, I gratefully see my family, I appreciate nature’s blessings, I’m happy when I wake up at 6am, I receive a warm feeling in my heart and I’m not afraid of the future or the past. It was only last week that I was feeling lonely, isolated, under pressure, self-doubting, and lacking belief but through my own control I turned my perception around; it is a continuous journey of self control, self management, self knowledge, and self perseverance, but to know that I have this strength within me is perhaps the greatest consolidation of all.


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