I always seem to be on the waiting end. Waiting for someone who has more authority than I do so they can be late and I must wait to live my life. But I cannot be late and they will not wait for me because I am another person in their busy schedule. I understand this, I just don’t wish to be on this waiting side, I wish to be the person in control.
My sister says I frown upon those who work lower down the career ladder, and perhaps sometimes I do. But I understand my place in society, I understand their place in society and I am not happy about it therefore I will change it. I am at the bottom of the ladder. I used to disagree with this theory entirely and protest that such a ladder of society did not exist, perhaps that was only because I was incapable of climbing it.
I have been visitor to hundreds of realms that live side by side amongst one another, co-inhabiting with cultures hidden slightly beneath the lines of regular society that are silent, invisible or ignored. I used to believe that I didn’t belong within any of them, but now I belong in all of them and at the top. My calm and relaxed drive to be at the top of the ladder, to break away from constraints of a working class, impoverished background with a single alcoholic mother who constantly fed me her depression and anxiety, is not a simple hunger. It is not for fame or fortune but to revolt in the most powerful way possible, by changing my self. Through listening to myself, realizing my own beauty, my own intelligence, my own right to be alive on this earth, and to live the way I want to live. My up-bringing, my environment and my mental health from a young age destroyed all of these qualities that would usually appear so naturally. Now, finally I have taken them back, re-established them within myself and will use them to my greatest ability.